The ‘why’ behind gratitude

I think it's so important to understand WHY we are doing something, so that we can sustain them especially when it comes to creating good habits.

This might seem like an obvious one, but for a long time, I confused gratitude with unrealistic positivity.

That was the case until I started practicing it daily, and realized how incredibly powerful a practice it is, that can drastically impact our moods and levels of happiness.

Our minds often operate with a negativity bias - meaning we have a tendency to notice negative experiences, things that go wrong, or things we lack more easily than all of the good stuff that is usually happening alongside it.

We practice gratitude to train our minds to become aware of all of this good stuff while it is happening, instead of leaning in to the tendency to focus on the negative alone. With practice, it becomes our default to notice the full picture, so we can switch the focus from a lack mindset which creates low mood, to a mindset that is aware of our full reality which is what mindfulness is all about. So rather than just being a good or nice thing to do, it can actually change how we think.

By keeping a gratitude journal, we can look over it during difficulty to provide support and perspective. Reality can often (not always) be a lot kinder than our thoughts allow us to believe.

Gratitude can be practiced in a multitude of ways, and no one way is the right way ~ it has to feel right for you in order to become something you habitually do.

Here are some of my favourite ways to incoporate it daily;

• Keeping a journal on my side locker and writing a 5 point bullet list either first thing when I wake up or last thing before I go to sleep (if you're really feeling it, do both! Or add in things that happened throughout the day if you already did it that morning)

• Taking turns with my husband (after a bit of resistance on his part) to say one thing out loud, until we have 3 each ~ this is my favourite as I like hearing his and sometimes it reminds me of things I hadn’t considered which often gives me perspective.

• When I am in a moment of appreciation - having my morning coffee, or out walking. Acknowledging it there and then without any distractions other than being fully present in that moment.

• Towards others; saying thank you, or telling someone how much I appreciated a chat, their advice, or something they may have done for me. Expressing it in this way can greatly enhance relationships.

If you have any other ways, I’d love to hear them too!

Grief as a journey

10 years ago, we took our last photo as a family of six, before releasing you to find your angel wings, your new form, a new way of us being with you, with the knowing that the bond that we created in the short time that we had, was enough to keep us bonded as a family forever.

Over the following days, weeks, months and years... to this day, we would wish you were still here as we found our footing communicating with you in a new way.

Missing your care and minding as we faced the further losses that were to come, as well as during big milestones and celebrations, but mostly in mundane moments that you made special, the phone calls when you calmed us, and made everything okay, or for me, the gentle longing that you could go for a round of golf and a pint with Dave.

We are still reminded of Dad in so many ways, through the minis that have joined the family, that talk about their 'papa mick' with big smiles, and through all of the people who so kindly share stories of him as their doctor or friend, which always bring smiles to our faces.

Grief is love with no where to go. Grief is an endless journey, that sometimes can be exhausting, isolating, confusing, all consuming, and filled with doubt to name a few. Grief can feel like it just takes from us, creates a void, loss. It changes us. But over time, grief has also given me the gifts of perspective, growth, resilience, compassion, freedom, and also gratitude for what was.

Grief is personal and different for everyone. And unfortunately despite it being one of life's inevitables, we aren't given a hand book on how to prepare for it or navigate it. But 10 years on, I can say that with time, life does become colorful again; The hard days become softer, and the space between the good days gets shorter and shorter until you eventually find yourself again. So if you or someone you know is feeling grief, don't lose hope, give yourself time, tread softly on the hard days, try to embrace the good days without guilt, and know that you will find yourself, and you will find somewhere to place that love again. X